There is no one you are going to spend more time with than yourself. A lifetime is a long time to dread alone time so depending on your situation you may want to start reading fast...
1. FIGURE OUT WHAT INTERESTS YOU AND DON’T FEAR BEING BAD AT THEM
When I first began running, I hated every single step I took. It was painful, sweaty, and I was extremely bad at it.
After being gifted a guitar for my birthday, I rushed to my room to try and play a song. Placing my fingers on the strings was painful; stretching my hands to the necessary chord felt impossible, and I was extremely bad at it.
My first time snowboarding was interrupted by a rude awakening. I couldn’t even get the board on my feet correctly, I couldn’t stand up, and I was extremely bad at it.
Going to the jewelry store seemed like a simple task, but the minute I entered the store, I realized it was quite the opposite. There were so many options, techniques, and after bringing all my supplies home, I realized—you guessed it—I was extremely bad at it.
Being alone doesn’t always call for sitting with your thoughts. Having fun is not strictly assigned for when you are with your friends! You can and SHOULD have fun with yourself. The first step to having fun solely with yourself is figuring out what peaks your interest. Do you enjoy creating? Do you prefer to be active? Do you love to learn? Ultimately, when no one is around, how do you wish to utilize your time? A huge key to this is to expect to be terrible at whatever hobby you wish to pursue. If it doesn’t come easy, good news: that gives you something to work towards.
2. TURN TO THE TRUTH
If you hate spending time alone, you may be happy to hear that you truly are never alone. Psalm 56:8 states, “There is no reason to fear; you are not alone. God has been there for every tear and every sorrow.” Those moments when you feel like you are unloved, worthless, and abandoned are not exempt from when God is with you! You do not need to look at your life fearfully because you never are going through anything by yourself. You have the creator of the universe on your side!
Genesis 28:15 states, “I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go.” You could be at school, a party, practice—you name it. When surrounded, you are not alone, and by yourself, the same remains true.
If that doesn’t seem clear enough for you, Joshua 1:9 says it as directly as possible, “You are never alone.”
Celebrate these truths! Feeling lonely is easy but never necessary. He has been with you, whether you have known it or not, the minute you entered this world. The thing about the book of life is it's infinite. You are infinitely accompanied by God.
3. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE
A couple of weeks ago, my teammate and I were making presentations for our cross country team. We wanted to focus on the easily ignored pattern of comparison. It would be a straight up lie to say that I have never compared my time to one of my competitors. In a sport like running, it is simple to look at your growth beside another's.
As we wrapped up the presentation, I took the computer from her lap. In large bold letters, I typed on the screen, “YOU ARE NOT HER.” We laughed for a couple of minutes, unsure if it was too aggressive to put on display. I felt like it captured what we wished to say perfectly, and with some explaining, it did the job.
Being okay with yourself requires not looking left or right—stay in your lane. If you spend time replicating a life that isn’t your own, don’t be surprised when you get lost. Being okay with being alone requires being alone. This may mean ignoring whose life you saw on social media that day and seems to have it better than you. Or maybe it's noticing when you idolize a friend's life over your own. It's normal to compare, but let's not make it normal to try and continue this. In the end, it will only hurt you! The minute you start to live your own life, you no longer focus on those around you. Honestly, it's quite freeing.
4. DON’T AVOID ALONE TIME
A month ago, my family and I went on our yearly summer beach trip. One full week where every person I love is in the same house—not much can beat that. The trip came and went in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, it was our last night. We sat in a lifeguard stand with our heads tilted up at the stars. As we all sat in awe, silence invaded the air.
Silence is uncomfortable. It forces you to hear your thoughts: loud and clear. College. My future. Possible failures that awaited me. Everything I had wished to ignore was now rushing to the surface. What if I can’t figure out my purpose? What if I don't get into a college? What if I don’t get faster in cross country? Our curfew halted my thoughts. I watched as everyone began climbing down the ladder, and the moment slipped from my hands. The silence returned offering a final question: What if this is the last time we are all on this beach?
I don’t like to spend time dwelling on any of those questions, however, that doesn’t make them any less real. If anything, choosing to ignore reality only intensifies the root issue. The minute I finished my junior year, I knew lots of challenges awaited me. Rather than facing my worries head-on, I avoided silence, ignored stress, and pretended to be okay. I filled my alone time with music, conversations, and even podcasts to ensure that I wouldn’t have to address my mind. Let me be the first to tell you—this is a phase I recommend you skip. When it was my turn to climb down the ladder, I looked down at them and wished I could stay stuck in the moment. Obviously, that wasn’t an option, so I gripped the handles of the ladder. My feet hit the sand as my hands let go, and I did what I do best—cry. We talked outside besides the garage of the beach house. An hour and a half crammed with words without a gap for silence to intrude. I won’t forget how concerned my sister looked for me. I won’t forget how disgusting I felt. With that hour and half of facing my fearful questions head on, none of the situations changed. I still had no idea what my purpose was, if I would get into college, lower my time, or ever return back to that beach. Yet, I no longer had it all weighing on my heart. It was in the air. Outside of me and me alone. How can you be okay with being alone if you can’t stand the thought of sitting alone by yourself? It's easy to fill your time with distractions in this day and age, but that only postpones reality. If you relate to this at all, I challenge you to find a time to sit alone by yourself. No devices. No people. Nothing. Just talk to yourself or talk to God. This is a simple step you can take that can help you understand yourself that much more and hopefully avoid the tears that are caused by turning your back on reality.
5. LOVE YOUR LIFE; YOU ONLY HAVE ONE
It sounds so obvious, but we forget it so often. This is the youngest you are ever going to be. You are older than you were a minute ago. You are younger than you will be in one minute. Stop letting life pass you by. It's truly so beautiful if you attempt to take it in. My goal for this blog post was to help answer the question HOW TO: be okay by yourself. The truth is there is no one answer. I have focused on each of these five points for a good majority of my life. How has that gone? Honestly, not flawlessly and that is okay. Life is about learning. Life is about growing. Life is about attempting to understand. If you want to be okay by yourself, the first step is making an effort to do so.
That's the truth!
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