You know that voice that tends to appear in the back of your mind? The one telling you what to do and what not to do. I believe this voice can be two things: 1. God trying to guide you to some sort of calling or 2. The devil trying to distract you from God's specific plan for you. I think of God's voice as a compass and the devil as a broken guide. Trying to determine which is which can be difficult but it's not impossible. Satan's voice is manipulative while Jesus' is trustworthy.
This summer I began to hear a loud voice in my head. I initially ignored it thinking if I looked at the positive of the situation I was in, things would automatically get better. I was feeling called to join my schools cross country team but feared regret. This thought was terrifying considering I had been dancing for the past 11 years of my life and had grown a love for it. When you do something for such an extensive period of time you may become comfortable. I must say I believe I was guilty of misinterpreting this comfort for love of the sport.
I went to practice each day and was reminded by the voice in my head that there was something else out there for me. After doing track that same year I had known running was not something that came easy however it was something I could work towards. I knew this voice could either be the God or Satan. I did a couple of things before making my final decision. This is what I found to be helpful and I think others could when making a similar tough decision.
I reflected on what aspects of my life would be changed.
I feared the loss of my talent. I had worked towards many skills and now that I finally had gotten them it felt like I was going to abandon all of my hard work. That was more depressing than scary. I finally had gotten to a place where I was confident in my art and suddenly I felt like I was leaving it all.
More than that I feared the loss of my friends. I had made some extremely close friendships while I was on the team and giving up the team felt like there was a chance I was giving them up with it. Of course I knew we would remain friends but the evil voice kept telling me everyone was going to hate me after this.
Reflecting on the outcomes helped me become aware with the worst case scenarios. It was super hard to think about all the bad things that could result but I found this to be beneficial way to get my worries out of my mind. (I recommend writing them down!!)
PRAYER PRAYER PRAYER
It could be a simple word that described the stress you are feeling. It could be an honest conversation with God. It could even be the ability of letting go of what you can't control and surrendering all your worries up to him.
A prayer journal will be your best friend. Don't keep all your thoughts in your mind. Writing how you feel on paper and being honest about what you want to feel is helpful. I personally would kneel by my bed some nights and present my stress to God. I found that those were the nights where I felt the most peace afterwards.
Prayer doesn't have to be perfectly laid out. Prayer can be an honest way to talk, praise, and hear Jesus. It can help you deepen your relationship and discern during a time of decision making.
Tune out distractions -- Luke 5:16
The easiest example I can think of for this would be our phones. You can't focus on what God's telling you when there is a screen between you and him. We have horrible attention spans as humans. We can only pay attention to one thing at a time. Are you gonna choose to have that one thing be Christ or your favorite TV show?
Community
The first two months were super difficult for me. I hadn't told anyone what I was thinking and felt like I was in it alone. I didn't want to tell my friends because I didn't want to place my problems on them and I didn't want to tell my family because I didn't want them to freak out. I know this little voice saying, "make the decision on your own" was anything but God. He encourages community. Although talking to him is what you should do first, going to others to hear their perspectives is extremely helpful. This doesn't mean to go to just anyone. I told the people I trusted the most what I was dealing with and they gave me support and a healthy opinion. Go to those who will give you good advice, not just what you wish to hear (there is a difference.)
Do something -- James 1:22
It will not happen overnight. You will not magically know the correct decision. Sometimes all it takes is faith in who God has made you to be and trust that everything will work out in the end. It is scary to put life changing decisions into God's hands, however, it is worth it in the end.
I hate to think about what my experience would have been like if I ignored that voice in the back of my head. I would still be dancing and would most likely be in the similar unhappy state I was one year ago today. I am now a runner who enjoys the challenge and is thankful to have found a calling of mine. I have no regrets in my decision because of all the steps I took leading up to it. I want to leave you on one thing:
When you talk to God it's like watering a plant. Storms and bad weather are still guaranteed to show up, however, it makes the plant stronger, the roots become more firm, and it becomes stable. Let God in on those difficult decisions because through your willingness to let him in, you will be able to transform your life for good.
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